So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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