My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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