My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
