While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
