your room smells of hookers.
And success
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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