i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
