I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
