my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
