Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
