Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
