I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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