The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
