peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
