You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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