do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
