SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
