Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
