No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
