Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
