The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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