i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
