they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
