babies were throwing up all over the place
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
