No period for spring break; use this wisely.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
