Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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