You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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