sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
