It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
my liver is dry heaving
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
