we have pet lesbian snakes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
