I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
