Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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