so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
