dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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