Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
