And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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