You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
