i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
