so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
