I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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