this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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