I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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