She went from zero to smokin in five shots
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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