Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
