its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
