My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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