it was like eating out sand paper
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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