I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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