we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
