I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize