is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you never un-have a 4some
I touched a dick in church today
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
