Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
