I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
