I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
